does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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