why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
