someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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