Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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