I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
