someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
