this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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