i just made my gag reflex go away.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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