I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you will always have a special place in my vag
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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