You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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