this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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