It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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