so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How does one acquire holy water?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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