It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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