quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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