I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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