Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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