I feel like abortions should bother me more
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
