she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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