Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
