we made out on top of his cat.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
