what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Who died my cat blue again?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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