I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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