You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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