my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
