I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
