one two three fourrrrnication!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
