Do vagina's smell?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
