The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
