my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
