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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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