that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
