Are we in a gay sports bar?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
