We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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