Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
