I wish you could order shots online.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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