You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
