I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
