I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
