I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
