rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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