Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My feet surprised me
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