idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
