i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
