So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
