she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
