if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
