I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
