3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
