i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
