There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
