What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
