If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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