Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
