I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
