Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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