do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
