i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
