No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
