College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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