An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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