You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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