this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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