I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
