i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
