Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
