I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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