he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
