Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
